This is a secret for my journal....so to speak.
I first stumbled upon the picture of my daughter in mid-February. It took me until really about the 2nd week of April to really get on board 100% with the idea of adopting her because, well, while my heart might be very easily impressed that this is the path our life should take, my mind is not so easily convinced.
How in the world are we going to raise nearly $40k? This is a fairly impressive chunk of our annual existence.
I struggled to wrap my head around this at first. And then I came to the place I would trust that Heavenly Father would make this work. But my resolve is about as impressive as my will power. And judging by the size of my butt...
So this week has been REALLY difficult again. We're talking full fledged anxiety over it. We plan to fundraise to the best of our ability. Apply for grants. And then rob the 401K. And then cry when we file our taxes next year.
My dearest friend in the world keeps reassuring me to relax, and trust this will all work out. And I'm trying. And it works, sometimes. So, how do you convince your mind to believe your heart knows what is best?
This adoption adventure is going to test me in so many ways.
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So here's my message for the RS newsletter for our ward this month:
Dear Sisters,
In General Conference of October 1989, Elder Richard G. Scott said, “Communication with our Father in Heaven is not a trivial matter. It is a sacred privilege.”
I’m grateful for prayer. I’m grateful for the assistance and guidance provided by a loving Heavenly Father. I’m grateful for the peace I feel. Heaven doesn’t seem quite so far away. It is a real blessing. Sometimes when we pray, however, it’s difficult to recognize the answers that come even when we ask in faith.
Lately, I’ve found myself on my knees for long periods of time. With help from Heavenly Father, I recently made a tough decision. It was one of those decisions that was a good thing, but was kind of scary and made me nervous to follow through on. It was definitely out of my comfort zone, yet I couldn’t ignore the promptings I was receiving. After the decision was finally reached and the “go and do” done, I started to wonder if I’d really done the right thing. Did I do what Heavenly Father wanted?
Elder Scott teaches: “Perhaps Oliver Cowdery’s experiences were recorded for us to understand how to pray and how to recognize answer to prayer. Oliver was told: “That assuredly as the Lord liveth, …even so surely shall you receive a knowledge of whatsoever things you shall ask in faith, with an honest heart, believing that you shall receive…I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost.” (D&C 8:1–2)
Elder Scott continues: “When we receive an impression in our heart, we can use our mind either to rationalize it away or to accomplish it. Be careful what you do with an impression from the Lord.”
I love that last part. It’s wise counsel directly from above. I think that’s often the tricky part with promptings from the Spirit. Sometimes we’re prompted to do things that don’t make a lot of sense logically. Sometimes the things we’re nudged to do seem unrealistic or even silly. We can sometimes talk ourselves out of following these promptings.
While I still don’t know the reason I was nudged to do something recently, I DO know that Heavenly Father sees the big picture and knows exactly the reason why. I feel humbled that he would trust me enough to accomplish the task.
I love this quote by Mother Teresa: “I’m a little pencil in the hands of God. He does the thinking. He does the writing. He does everything—and it’s really hard—sometimes it’s a broken pencil. He has to sharpen it a little more. But be a little instrument in His hands so that He can use you anytime, anywhere. … We have only to say Yes to Him.”
It’s my prayer that we will listen carefully to the gently promptings of the Spirit and then have the courage to follow through with action no matter how illogical or silly it may seem at the time.
Love and hugs,
Holly
Love you tons!!
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