This is strictly for journalling. To read in some future moment when I think things are hard...or easy...to give perspective, hope and hopefully a giggle!
1. My back is jacked. Can't sleep. Exercise. Sit too long. Carry heavy things. And sometimes stand. Car wreck has proven to be a bit more fun than I realized...Have had injections in my neck, at base of head, which plain STUNK. Holy. Owie. Have had 3 sets of nerve blocking ocipital nerve shots in head. Also fun. Had injections in lower back...happily much easier than the neck injections. Physical therapy for 6 months with small results...and one very stumped(probably grumpy at me) physical therapist who I have grown to really like and respect. Until he mentioned I need to do the injections again. :)
2. Adopting. Which is the hugest blessing and opportunity for growth. For me. My children. However the stress-financially and emotionally is unreal. Should cost upwards of 40k. Yep. We have been blessed with some great fundraisers...generous friends...and, we've robbed the 401k. It will all work out..and I'm willing to jump through any and every hoop to raise this princess to be healthy and happy in spite of *them* and *their rules* and all naysayers.
3. Dental disasters galore. I seem to think dentures might be the way to go. They'd be clean. Removable. And painless. And...at this rate, paid for sooner than the rest of my pending repairs. Two major issues...one involving a week of torture, one RIDICULOUSLY kind and generous friend/endodontist who made personal phone calls and even late night office visits to save me going to the ER. Maxed out dental policy, and have a temp crown on until Jan 1. At which point I will max out the policy again.
4. Bills. If it can be broken, it has been broken. Since deciding to adopt we've replaced the BBQ, fridge and lawnmower. Repaired many things. And left many undone(like my wretched double sink in the upstairs bathroom) until next year...when things HAVE to be calmer.....
5. Kids. There seems to be nothing harder than the growing pains of a child. Watching them grow, make mistakes, live those consequences...seeing their successes is about the greatest joy there is. Adjusting with each new stage is difficult. And we've hit a few stages with a teenage boy, pre-teen going on 18 girl...(Avery is pretty stinking easy always...) an Eli, and a potty training sass-pot in training. Granted...the stink filled moments are WAY less than the ones we love...but momma bear is growing less able to contain myself. And that isn't always the best solution.
6. Church callings. Don't misunderstand me. I'd be hacked to lose my calling. And I'd be even more hacked to live with Nate if he lost his. Its just...there is a burden in knowing the importance of teaching the gospel...a knowledge of Jesus Christ...to young children. Knowing what I know...I know what they need to know...and, I know that mountains loom in front of many of them. Did I give it my best this week? Did I let you down? Do you think you can do it better? Its alot...but...its alot on the other side of things too. You can't IMAGINE the thrill of hearing a child express their testimony in the calm of a song...or witness the quiet strength of the Holy Ghost testifying to what we learn. THE.BEST.CALLING.EVER.
7. Work. There is a fine line between doing what you have to do....and satisfying others. Some days I am firmly footed on the side I feel comfortable. Others I am not.
8. Lu fell and hurt her hip. Carried her 3 days non stop. Hi fevers. Long nights. X-rays and a stumped doctor...and then a miraculous healing.
9. Nate's broken shnozzzz. A lost battle with an old woman resulting in surgery...the most hysterical fit of giggles I've ever had the pleasure of hearing...and disappointingly colorless eyes. Was hoping for a bit more pizazz...but again....amazing healing.
10. Eli-sweet Eli. Late night ear aches that threaten to rupture. And an issue that should have been resolved years ago by his first pediatrician that as of today...well, probably next week sometime...will be done forever :) Halelujah. (Don't ever let a doctor convince you against your instict as a parent. ) Also want to remember the moment sis Jen called to say, amidst her giggles, that Eli announced in music class his disappointment that they'd not be doing instruments that day, but on the day he'd be gone. 'Why are you gone?' they wonder...'cause I'm having surgery on my parts' he says. 'What are your parts?' Then, that pause, and the arched eyebrow, the downward point...and the reply....very slowly...'you know....the parts(with that look that says, you know what I'm talking about right?) the parts that Heavenly Father gave you.' And then there's the funny moment when he's asked why he made the announcement we'd discussed not making...and he melts me and produces days of giggles when he makes the cutest face and says....'oh yah, I forgot!'
11. Stitches...well staple....in the back of Miss Avery's noggin. Apparently heads don't fare well with flying scooters...but, then, I probably could have guessed that without testing it out.
12. Personal successes. After 15 years, returning to a place you haven't been since then. And, feeling capable of better. 33.
13. Personal inadequacies...Knowing that sometimes my best will still fall short. Acknowledging that it is likely I'm on someone's "list"...
14.Friends. Thank heavens for these. Thankful I've got a few goldies who've been on my side forever...and confidence they'll stay there!!!
15. Health. Its a little scary to think you're having an unnecessary procedure because it will better your life...only to receive news there's additional issues and possibilties of more than you bargain for. Grateful that Heavenly Father worked this out in my favor...and that the minor-est of procedures can fix it.
16. Family. In all cases, a blessing. In some cases...not one that's recognized until eternity! :)
17. Wealth. Realization that monetarily, this one's out. But declaration that in every.single.way.that.counts.....HOLY STINKING RICH!
18. Car wrecks. That are your fault. That seem to make you realize that there's something to be grateful for in all things. And...teach you to value things differently. And...add to your growing debt :)
19. A flooded basement that results entirely out of my stupidity. Hours of work. And great answer to prayers that its ok...
20.The escapee...twice. Once involved waking up early to discover the door was open and Lu was gone. And 911. The other involved a dad..nameless of course...who didn't feel the child clinging at his leg disappear because the power of the football game was sucking his brain out...
21. Perspective.
I can't even begin to explain the deep understanding I have that Heavenly Father knows me. He listens to me complain...whine...and, in certain '3rd hour' moments, directly answers my prayers. And, in others, lets me learn that His understanding is greater than mine. There are moments every day where I see the perfectly beautiful sun, setting over the Sawtooth mountains...and hear Eli explain that he painted the sky for me, and that it took him all night to do it...and that he loves me. There are moments. In the middle of happy days and sad. Moments when I quietly acknowledge how very much I a blessed with, and that I can be better than I am today.
Its been a difficult stretch...I don't appreciate some of these things while I'm in the middle of them...and doubt some of them I ever will :) But...stretch I am. And...hopefully some of it sticks, so I'm not asked to do it again. And hopefully some of it stays just the way it is!
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