Nate took me for a date last weekend...and that in itself was f.a.b.u.l.e.s.s.
I was telling him on the way home that I'd met up with someone in SAMS club that day who'd made a funny face while asking me 'how Fairfield is?" Apparently its a joke or point of good fun that I've been honest that living here hasn't been Zion! Ahhh...well, it hasn't. But, it was in this moment of real, adult conversation with my good hubby that I had a little 'aha' moment.
I am ridiculously far from perfect.(that wasn't my aha moment....I'm well aware of that!) I in fact am forever worried that I've upset/offended someone, because I DON'T WANT TO! In my attempts to do what's best for my family and myself, I've made some choices that offend and bother others...which is never my intention. But when I came back to Fairfield I thought since I was in my 30's that I'd have a chance to put right some relationships that were strained in highschool....somehow convinced that I'd be instantly liked by some that I seemingly clashed with. And obviously it hasn't worked. And the friendships I counted on weren't quite what I thought. I realize now that is more my doing than not. Again, I mean no offense...but I am doing my best! So it was a difficult transition here....not because of anything anyone else did, but it was a period of growth for me. I've been looking for a silver lining, the 'reason' we knew we were supposed to move here. And I think I found it.
I am a slow learner. I usually take repeated lessons before it sinks in. I'd seen this message before, but when I was talking with Nate it just totally hit me. I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED TO BE HAPPY. It won't come from friends, things, fancy bathrooms or even clean toilets. It comes when I close the shades and snuggle up with the cutest, smartest, 6 people in the world. It comes entirely from knowing their mine forever. And it will NEVER be found in other places. So, again....'aha'.
I'm sorry that I'll have to disappoint my followers the next time that they ask how living in Fairfield is...because I am going to have to answer that its perfect.
As a sidenote....I am so thankful for the love of my life. He is so patient with me while I learn my lessons...so perfectly happy in his own skin that he can wait for me to get with it! I la-la-love him!!!
