Its amazing to me, and a little sad, that time seems to be inescapabley fast...Its like I've been on one of those whirly-twirly fair rides and the moment I get off I'm almost dizzy to see things kind of spinning past me. That's definitely how I feel lately, as I watch my kids ride their bikes to school...and I watch from the window with my last baby waving furiously to her brothers and sisters, blowing as many kisses their way as possible. Dizzy. Kind of sick to the stomach. How in the world did time manage to escape me?
This year 4 of my children are in school. Which...I'll not lie, is not all sadness. Part of me was skipping with excitement as summer vacation ticked to a close. But, part of me dreaded school on a different level than I have in the past. I LOVE my routine. I love to get up, clean my house and just have time to read books and play with Landri. I love to know when my kids will be home, have some general plan of what activities will claim our evenining...routine! My 3 older children were all excited for school to begin for social aspects. Eli was claiming excitment, but was terrified! He started baby talk, agreed with my stupid joke that he could sign up for preschool again so as to stay my baby one more year...started sucking his fingers when anxious. So, his fear soon became my own. I have been hugely surprised and impressed with his determination to be a good boy at school. 2 weeks in and his behavior chart has been 'green' every day. And...for some reason...its like the tummy-twisting Hammer ride....I'm a mess! Because I wanted him to be nothing but successful there...but my 'baby boy' is gone! Kindergarten is that threshhold for me when they're no longer mine to corrupt...because the bulk of their day is spent under someone elses's influence. And once it starts, time blurs so fast. Who would have thought my oldest was a 6th grader?
Some days are filled with craziness. No doubt about it. But some days, like today, my sweet Avery handed me a note in church that said, "I have a happy life. I have a loving family. And I know this church is true, and that is amazing!" and I was left wiping the tears of fulfillment, accomplishment and such joy from my cheeks. I am forever so thankful for the experiences of this life. Most importantly, I am most grateful for a perspective that I know only comes through my Savior, of which things are of value. There is a quote I read today that said that 'this is not the plan of pleasure, but the plan of happiness!'...and I just know for a certainty it is. We have to give up things...sometimes popularity, sometimes money, sometimes comfort...to ensure a life of real worth, a life of happiness. I am so grateful to watch my children grow and know that their mistakes forge their strengths...its impressive and overwhelming to see giants emerge from the tiny bodies that I grew...I'm grateful for motherhood.
While I can and forever will wish that time would slow...so that I could keep my children small and mine forever, I am so thankful that this is MY life.
