Dear Diary,

Sitting here in the quiet while Nate marched the kids up the dark, cold hill outside to shoot Kolbe's new air soft gun, I feel incredibly thankful for this day. While my emotions have been ridiculously out of control lately, I need it said that my heart is hugely full. I have never in my life felt such an overwhelming sense of blessing and happiness. I know that the Christmas season is a time where everyone feels a heightened sense of peace and happiness because the Savoir is closer to our thoughts...but I am feeling so motivated to keep this feeling a little longer in our home! So many changes are coming our way...we counted off today that its only a few days until Avery's birthday, then a month til Eli's, then a few weeks til daddy's, and then a few weeks until this baby arrives. I see the need for so much improvement in my life before I bring another child into our home...but I am happy for the small successes I see within our family. We finished the Book of Mormon yesterday as a family: a HUGE victory two years in the making! But what an accomplishment! I listened from the other room today as Kenna said to her brother, 'thank you sooooo much for this present Kolbe, I LOVE it! you're the best.' I peeked my head around the corner to watch Kolbe teaching Eli the correct way to position his new GI Joe guys for battle...the small and tender moments that make me so incredibly thankful to be just exactly where I am. The hugest deception is in thinking that life will be filled with non-stop bliss. It is filled with life: the loud, messy and chaotic routines that help us progress from one stage to another. But I was meant to be a wife....and a mother today. And I am so thankful for that.

Christmas Decorating 2009

This was Eli's idea of 'posing' in front of the tree. Believe me, we don't encourage this behavior: its just the way he is!

bUMmEr!

This really makes me look big. Bigger than I think I look: that is just my side note here!

My brother Jerry is one of my favorite people in this world. Every time I talk to him I tell him he's chubby, and he tells me I'm ugly. It really is one of my favorite things to do....I love him! When he tells me I'm ugly, I will tell him he's still fat...and he says, 'but YOU'RE pregnant!' I love it...so I've been teasing him this whole pregnancy that he's bigger than me, and wouldn't you know it???? HE'S NOT! Bummer! It was bound to happen, but I still contend he's sucking in! At 24 weeks, I'm officially bigger than Jer by alot.

Love you my Jer-

Oh....Avery

So, Avery is still not loving school. We have to count down the days of the school week for her so she can bare to go another day! This morning I was talking to her in the bathroom and I mentioned it was the last day of school this week, time for a break. She asked how many days break, to which I replied that there were two days off, Saturday and Sunday. She very cooley added, "Nope, there's gonna be an extra day, between Saturday and Sunday, this time!" I love her. She cracks me up. Only in her world can you think that by just saying something its possible!
Mom asked her tonight what her favorite part of school was. She said lunch, recess, and gym.

Seriously good effort~

After saying prayers tonight we were marching the kids down the hall to start their bed routines and personal prayers when I looked over my shoulder at Nate and said, "I think daddy should go get me a diet coke, then lay on the bed watching tv and rub my booda!" Totally kidding about everything except the diet coke part...I almost died laughing when Eli yelled out desperately trying to avoid his own bed time, "I want to rub your booda mom! Please!" Now I've heard it all...

New pictures of kids

Ah- hah!

It occurred to me yesterday sitting in Sacrament meeting, while everyone was bearing their testimonies, that I badly NEEDED to get up. But I couldn't. Nate worked a 12+ hour day yesterday for his semi-annual inventory so I was totally on my own with the kids. It required my full attention and arm span to contain Eli...so I sat there completely overwhelmed by the things I know to be true. While I've ranted a LOT on here these last few months about struggles...I really am NOT entirely pathetic. My emotions are way too close to the surface, and I'm a crybaby anyways...so I LOOK worse than I am, and I'm not entirely pathetic. I promise. Alot of my realizations have every bit as much to do with grattitude as they do with struggles. The closing song was 'Where can I turn for peace?' and I was overwhelmed with grattitude that I know that answer. The thought occured to me so many times during that hour that I was grateful for the certain things. This past year I have learned that even things we think are fairly constant, certain aspects of our life can crumble. I am not a hugely intelligent, spiritual person. But I know that there is so much strength and comfort in the one real, constant of my life. The one absolute truth. I left sacrament meeting with red, blotchy eyes again! But not becuase I was feeling pitty or sadness per say. But for knowing that all things will come full circle, and that clinging to what remains my constant source of happiness will bring me peace today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, no matter what crumbles and fails around me. I am also thankful for my husband. He is my perfect fit. And he laughs with me every night. I am so thankful for him. And in my realization of blessings yesterday it demands attention that my children are the best! I was pretty emotional for a bit yesterday and of course they thought they'd been naughty and upset me...so they wrote me cards. I laughed so hard over them. Kenna's said 'sorry for my aditude and sass. i'll be better'. Kolbe's said, 'if I've been a turd or annoying please just punish me over and over and over again until I stop!' Seriously, they are so over-dramatic! But, it worked, cause I was laughing hysterically. I love my family...and this post would be incomplete without mentioning the best friends ever! What tender mercies!

My favorite Sunday of the year

is definitely without question Primary Program Sunday! Why? Well, the answer is simple. I have worked in primary forever and usually always end up up on stage, away from little wild children of my own...allowed to enjoy the HUGE spirit of the little kids in Primary! Avery was determined to do her own part...with NO help! It made me nervous as to what we'd get...and it was noticable to people watching that she was determined to spit it all out before Kolbe could prompt her. She is so independent...and her squeaky voice is hilarious! They all did well on their parts. But my favorite part by far was the singing. Today Kenna and Kolbe had little feature songs. Kenna sang with the girls in her class, and Kolbe sang a solo, which he did so awesome on! So proud of him and Ken both...but Kolbe completely surprised me! He wasn't even nervous.
I love this program so much because you feel the Spirit so strongly and you get little glimpse of eternity!

And the answer is? BRAIDS

Our good friend joked last week that she couldn't wait to hear if I'd have more hair to cut or braid...and, after the ultrasound today, the answer is....BRAIDS! Much to no one's surprise, we found out fairly definitely that baby Pitcher arriving in March(hoping end of Feb) will be a girl! He said at first that he 'thought' it was a girl, but couldn't guarantee it, but a few seconds later started laughing and said, 'well if its a boy, its going to be VERY embarrassed!" He printed a pic of the arial view and even someone not so trained(like myself) is 100% sure that its definitely a girl. Nate said from day one, and I also suspected early on that this baby was a girl. We did a poll the other night for family home evening and Eli was the lone voter for a boy! So, basically, 'she' is wanted by all! We're really excited....Kolbe loved the ultrasound. Loved looking right over the guy's shoulder and looking for the spinal cord and heart and ribs...anything he could recognize on his own! It was fun. The kids are a little older this time so its fun to see them make sense of things. Baby got tired of the tech and by the end he showed us her little hands pushing against the ultrasound wand...great...another spirited child! Its not like we'd have been disappointed either way, but now that I KNOW what I knew already...its so so so exciting!

Pumpkins

This is definitely my least favorite part of Halloween...I have serious issues touching the goo inside a pumpkin. Thank heavens for a 'brave' husband! Yuck! Unfortunately my kids have inherited my inability to touch it...so Nate is forced to clean all the pumpkins so we can carve. I hate the mess, but the kids sure do love the end result! And THAT makes me happy!

Eli's new 'snuggle' posistion

Apparently my stomach is SUPER comfortable because last night this is how he fell asleep, in a ball with his head on my growing tummy...and in the middle of the night when he came in to our bed he found his way into the same position...with his head on my belly! I love him! Avery also crashed on my booda during scriptures..apparently its not interesting enough!

Tonight I stripped him to put his pajamas on him and found 3 pairs of gloves in his sweat pant pockets...and when I got to his underwear, I was VERY surprised to find he'd wedged a Mr. Cleaning eraser in his undies...right in front. Since they irritate my hands when I clean with them...I'm not sure what will happen to his underside....ewwwww.......Never know what you're gonna get with him!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM AND MARISSA

and.....

BIRTHDAY

JUST A QUICK SHOUT TO THE BEST MOM AND GRANDMA I COULD ASK FOR. THERE IS A REASON MY CHILDREN CALL YOU FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. THERE IS A REASON THEY WANT YOU AT EVERY EVENT. THEY LOVE YOU LIKE I DO...FOR BEING THE BEST, MOST CONCERNED, SLIGHTLY PARANOIDISHLY POLITICALLY FANATICAL, TA-WANDA ACTING WOMAN IN THE WORLD! THANKS FOR BEING MY FRIEND...AND MY MOM. CAN'T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT YOU!

AND TO MARISSA...WE HAVE LOVED YOU FROM THE MOMENT WE MET YOU! WE'RE SO THANKFUL YOU ARE A PART OF OUR FAMILY NOW...THANKS FOR BABYING THE BIG BABY...ITS SUCH A BLESSING TO KNOW HE'S BEING WELL TAKEN CARE OF! YOU'RE THE BEST AND WE LOVE YOU!

Time off...

I love this weekend in October when the kids are home. Its a short break, so they're happy to be home and just hang out and there's minimal fighting! We've planned a big day: jammies and movies from the redbox(and laundry for me). I'm very much looking forward to a day of no plans! Love my little monkies!
I'm now 19 weeks along and feeling really good. The hives are subsiding a bit to look at, but I'm still itching to death. I can feel the baby move now, which I love. Can't believe that next week is the half way mark(actually I'm hoping I'm past that point if we're talking weeks left) and I get my ultrasound to find out which totes of baby clothes are getting emptied! yahoo! I'll probably be one of those people who gets rid of everything 'blue' only to find out the ultrasound was wrong! Oh well...happy shopping I guess! We're having a big family home evening on Wednesday next week to record everyone's guesses of what we're having...the doc assured me it would be easy to get in on Thurs for the ultrasound. I personally think its a girl.
We have family pics on Sunday...don't know why I agreed to that. Nothing fits! But Eli was 8 months old in the last one...and I won't get in a pic for a really long time after baby.
Alright...I guess I have to get out of bed long enough to feed the kids breakfast!

Fun with grandma

We let grandma Pitcher in on the Halloween fun at our house while they visited this weekend. We had lots of fun with them and were glad they made it down for a nasssssttttyyyy cold weekend of food, shopping, movies and spooking!

My favorite buddy!

this is the hole dug for our new egress window...Eli's just breaking it in!

crazy man with a weapon!

i'm pretty stinking cute...my name is superman!

I love love love my astronaut hat from preschool. Where did my rocket go?

the rocket pack I wore for days...

While there have some fairly unenjoyable adapting moments, I am really enjoying my alone time with Eli. He is powerpacked with energy, personality, and just flat out craziness that often has me reeling with amazement at where he comes up with things! But he is tender and funny, thoughtful and gentle...which is a nice balance to the crazy side most people see! Here are some of my favorite moments of just our buddy time lately. Note the first picture....that pretty much sums him up!

Brother Johnson "ROCKS!!!!"

Jim Johnson, a man we met through our trek experience, is a retired geology teacher. He offered and we gladly accepted, to let the kids come and dig for crystals. He has buckets of dirty old rocks that he runs through a screen and then gives to the kids to search for their crystals! They each had a pile, and by the end they were busy discussing what great things they were going to buy with their new found wealth. KOlbe was sure he would have enough money to buy an i-touch phone, and all other luxury items we will never have! They have sinced used these crystals as barter for chores and other tasks they themselvs don't want to do. Its funny what they think is important! Either way...thanks a bunch to Bro. Johnson for a super fun family home evening!

Yeah!

Sleepless nights are over: I have finally figured out how I'm gonna decorate the girls' new room. That's right-I have actually lost sleep over it. Not intentionally...but its the way my OCD brain works. And today, it occured to me. I am so very excited to get to work on that room. I've taken some pics of the progress, but I'm WAY to lazy to go get my camera right now so I'll post them later. My ugly ghetto toy room is being transformed. Just wait! Oh...and I know what I'm doing in the baby's room. I am so excited to paint! Who wants to help? My plans are a bit ambitious! Tomorrow: phase 3 begins! Sheetrock!!!

Just my tender mercy...

This is something that probably the rest of the world already knows...I was thinking about things yesterday morning as we got ready for church. And, it was surprisingly peaceful here...everyone was showered and dressed 2 hours early, so I had plenty of time to get dinner going and tidy the house...anyways, it was not the usual 'hurry up' mode of Sunday. In my quiet thoughts, it occurred to me that blessings and trials both come with incredible frequency in our lives. Most often simultaneously. It simply becomes an issue of emphasis. Now I realize that some trials are life altering...and consuming. But that is where my tender mercy spoke to me...I need to improve myself alot in this area. I need to really emphasize and focus on the simple aspects of my life that bring real joy: my husband, my sweet children, and the gospel. I am again so thankful for a patient Father who prompts me through my tough spots. And thankful for the blessings of today!

Oh for the love....

I realize that sometimes I do stupid things. Repeatedly. So, today, I re-cut my hair....I know. Especially since yesterday after the first cut I called my dad crying. Lets say he was very sympathetic. I believe he laughed...alot...then told me I could always have my mom fix it. So today I thought I'd use my straightener to make it look decent for girls night and holy cow...I thought it was bad before...it was wretched after it was straightened. So, I did what anyone would do, and pulled out the scissors again. The problem is I can't see or reach the middle back. So I think I'm sporting a shnazzy mullet...with a fantastic tail. At least today there are no tears. I'm giggling at my repeated stupidity. The funniest thing is that Nate still hasn't noticed. The front is a good two inches shorter, so its hardly inconspicuous...but, he's not very astute sometimes. Or maybe its like the time he just didn't comment until I pushed for it and he said he'd noticed, 'but liked it better before.' Guess I just won't ask this time!
The kids are adjusting to school, and dance has started. I believe Kolbe's football kicks off next week...and we're back in the swing of things. Eli is switching preschools, which I'm happy about. The new one requires my 'parent participation' which is not my favorite aspect...but it looks like a great place...and after my first bill at his daycare/preschool....I seriously considered just buying duct tape and strapping him down/quiet at my office. Yikes! This will save me 120 bucks a month, which is not exactly a tough choice. So Tuesday we're officially transfering.
Nate got home from his business trip and I'm so glad he's back. I truly miss him...its lonely when he isn't around to tease and talk to. So glad he's mine...

Dinner Help!

So, I hate cooking....big time! But I am hugely feeling the need to up my abilities! My family is sick to death of my limited menu! So, please please please post your family favorites. Remember, baby steps: Something that requires limited ingredients/ limited time! We're talking like 30 min prep MAX! PLEASE HELP!!!

Just digging out...

I realize what it must feel like to be buried alive. Because I've feel like I'm just digging my way out. But my outlook is good. I told my good friend tonight that this week I finally feel like I'm on the surface again. This has been a really hard pregnancy for me so far, emotionally and physically! And I've been a gigantic boob about it! I've neglected family, friends and just about everyone/everything except my need to be miserable! So I'm hugely sorry to everyone! But I realized Sunday as I sat in Sacrament meeting that I felt 'good' again. I was instantly thankful. Thankful to realize that we all experience our little funks, where we are buried over our heads grasping for air. I immediately reflected about other times in my life where I've felt this way, and how that particular challenge seemed so small to me now, but that I was so incredibly aware and appreciative for the lessons learned. Thank you to my Father, who patiently pushes my buttons and waits for me to grow up! May my husband be as patient while he waits....

'AMEN'...already!

Tonight when I tucked Eli in he was super snuggly and extra tired. I said, 'okay bud, lets say our prayers.' He informed me he didn't need to pray tonight. Of course I explained that we pray every night so we thank Heavenly Father for all he gives us...So, mid-speech he starts in with his kind of annoyed little voice, "Heavenly Father....amen." So I tried to prompt him along a little...'I'm thankful for...' to which he said "AMEN!" I'm thankful for my family..."AMEN" I'm thankful for the gospel..."AMEN"...........please bless us to be safe...AMEN. Finally I opened my eyes trying not to giggle and he raised his eyebrows and smiled and said, "AMEN, okay mom?"

Yep...he's stinking hilarious! More kisses, and I conceded!

Ah-ha-ha-HALELULAH!!!!

So, I totally forgot the before and after....well, not the after! But you can't appreciate it unless you remember my old table and nasty chairs...

the material feels and looks like suede, but its PLASTIC-sort of...so it will stay cleaner!

Thank heavens: project one is done! Now I confess, the worst of this project was entirely my mom's! She slaved for me...and I'm eternally grateful. This table turned out 100x better than I ever dreamed...I love it way more today than the day we bought it! And the best part...its still my reminder of grandma. Nate wanted to replace the table...I couldn't bare the thought...so mom went to work...and work and work! But, about 6 weeks later, its done...I finished the chairs today and I think it turned out so good. Its not perfect, but lets face it, who cares??? Its awesome...so here's to my mom, the best mom ever!(Did I mention she also rug shampooed my basement and on her hands and knees sniffed out Eli's potty-traps and enzymed them for me last week?)Yep, she's my favorite...and I'm super super super in love with my new table. I might actually be pleasant tonight!

First Day of School

Here are Kolbe and Avery...

Kolbe looking so big...

Okay...try to take a picture of Eli when he's just smiling. It doesn't happen.

Miss Thing

Wanted her hair curly again...the first day of school every year she has me braid it! She's so funny.

I had mixed emotions today. I have been so completely exhausted this month...that I've not been as fun as my kids deserve. And I've been seriously anxious and excited for school to start. But I must admit, watching Avery hang her huge backpack on her cubby this morning was HARD! And the worst of it...she was not even a little apprehensive! She tipped her head and smiled funny and said, 'well, I gotta make some new friends today!' Then she sat on the carpet for circle time and scootched her way forward until she was right between some kids. She's gonna be great! Kenna is always tough to leave, because she hates change. She looks like she might burst into tears at any moment! When her teacher was talking to her she would just sort of stare...she'll be fine, I know, but the other two were all smiles! Kolbester looked SO handsome and big today. He was completely confident, and made sure to double up on his morning shower of AXE spray for the ladies! Love this kid...Poor Eli walked away from the school sort of dejected...and said, "but where's Bo-Bee mom?" It will be tough on him...but fun to have some one on one time with him. He's big into playing games, so I think that might be my newest time killer! Nate took the day off, he says to take kids to school. But he was like tapping his watch the whole time...and now he's golfing...so we know what his REAL plans were!

Better get my tape done so I can be ready when he gets home...