Because I'm already raising five kids...and because that comes its own challenges...today I was fasting over a few specifics. I remember a conference talk I'd read that said as a parent I was entitled to revelation...that I could and should expect that revelation. So, nearing the end of my fast I was a little frustrated that I'd not gotten my lightning bolt. And I was talking out loud to Heavenly Father... reminding him of His promise.
The sister missionaries called to remind me I was their dinner date. Yah! My bathrooms are nearly hazardous to your health...my house is NASTY...and I have cried my makeup off and was planning a dinner of leftovers. But as a true demonstration of my stinky temperment...I almost(okay...not almost) challenged my Heavenly Father by snidely thinking in my mind that the sisters would need to be bringing my answers.
Well...I still have no clear cut answer to those issues other than they need more patience, faith, and probably, more fasting. And I'm okay with that. Because what DID happen was that one of the sisters shared a story from her family history of how God had spared her grandmother's family because she trusted in Him...and a promise she'd made with Him. She shared a scripture that teaches that He keeps his promises to those who follow him. And then she asked me if I knew that God answered my prayers.
What do you say to that? Of course I know he answers prayers? He used her lesson..her challenge to me to answer my challenge to Him! And though I still don't know the exact answer I was looking for, I know the important one: He hears me! And He'll keep His promise...
(I did apologize to the sisters for placing the challenge of subduing my onery pride on their shoulders without their even knowing....and thank them for listening to the promptings they obviously had!)
I am eternally grateful for every day experiences that remind me who I am, His child.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
What I would have said...
Probably the most terrifying thing about this adoption journey is the cost. I am a person who likes a definitive plan...and so going into something totally blind is killing me. When I feel the panic start to rise in my chest(almost daily) I have to remind myself of the certainty that we felt that this child belongs to us. And that Heavenly Father is going to make this happen. Originally we had written a brief letter...it was how I planned to shock the world with this announcement. So here you are...the big announcement as I thought it'd be:
We believe in fairy tales. And love at first sight. And…. In we believe in answered prayers.
And this is how it all started.
Not too long ago my husband and I considered life to be almost perfect. We are raising 5 very healthy, very lively, sometimes naughty, but always entertaining children. And we’re abundantly rich in the only way that has every really mattered to us. We pay our bills every month, and our savings will get us through a minor disaster. And we are perfectly content with that. But we realize now that there is a plan at work that we didn’t seek out…one that definitely found us.
We have spent many teary moments in prayer and have enjoyed many moments of quiet confirmation. And we believe in a God who answers our prayers. So, we pray He’ll keep on doing so. Our journey in this process has been filled with anxiety, fear…and excitement and joy! We KNOW that we’re headed in the right direction, but we have NO idea how to make this work.
Meet “Claire”.
You’re smiling (and probably caught a bit off-guard).
We realize there are some who would criticize our decision; that is okay. Those who would argue if we can’t afford it, we can’t do it. Believe me when I say that we’ve had this discussion. We have literally thought and prayed of little else lately. Yet reality is that adoption is not financially possible for most people, for us included. It is incredibly frustrating. In Claire's case, she will need upwards of $35,000 in adoption fees. And that isn’t something we can do. Alone, anyways.
The organization that lists her profile is working with us to apply for grants, and has explained we can ‘fundraise’. In part, this means we can advocate for our family and friends, and their family and friends, to help us bring her home. We are applying for EVERY grant that can be found. The faster we do this, the faster she has 3 sisters, 2 brothers, and a mom and dad who can NOT wait to be her eternal family. So, help us if you can. And then help us again by reposting this and sharing this with everyone you know, encouraging them to help. The money donated to her link on Reece’s Rainbow goes directly into an account for her adoption costs. It’s a tax deduction for you….and an answer to prayers for us.
We know that God had led us on this journey. It is the most terrifying and exciting thing we’ve ever considered. We trust in Him. But we NEED you to help bring her home.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Well....if you're directed here...
We better make an announcement!!!!!
http://reecesrainbow.org/35748/sponsorpitcher
My heart is all over the place. I am terrified beyond belief and excited beyond belief. Our family is growing...again. But this time from a very unexpected source. We fell in love with this little princess when we saw her. She reminds us so much of our biological daughters. And there's no doubt that having my brother Jerry(with DS) has etched a very special place in our hearts for these special needs kids...But I really don't look at this as we're serving her. We are the lucky ones. We are the ones who are going to get share a place in her heart. A place in the life of one of God's most choicest sprirts...I loved in conference(we have a semi-annual session of our church in which the leaders, our Prophet and his called Apostles address our members and give us counsel) where is mentioned that some of God's choicest spirits are housed in fragile temples. This life is so brief...and the weaknesses and frailties of our bodies and minds won't last forever. We have already given our heart to this little girl. Now to get her home!!!
So...as part of the effort, we can fundraise. We can't tell you how much we'd appreciate your help bringing her home!
http://reecesrainbow.org/35748/sponsorpitcher
My heart is all over the place. I am terrified beyond belief and excited beyond belief. Our family is growing...again. But this time from a very unexpected source. We fell in love with this little princess when we saw her. She reminds us so much of our biological daughters. And there's no doubt that having my brother Jerry(with DS) has etched a very special place in our hearts for these special needs kids...But I really don't look at this as we're serving her. We are the lucky ones. We are the ones who are going to get share a place in her heart. A place in the life of one of God's most choicest sprirts...I loved in conference(we have a semi-annual session of our church in which the leaders, our Prophet and his called Apostles address our members and give us counsel) where is mentioned that some of God's choicest spirits are housed in fragile temples. This life is so brief...and the weaknesses and frailties of our bodies and minds won't last forever. We have already given our heart to this little girl. Now to get her home!!!
So...as part of the effort, we can fundraise. We can't tell you how much we'd appreciate your help bringing her home!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Unknown...
Just the quickest of notes to record how much I am thankful for this gospel! I think one of the gifts this life affords is the opportunity to reflect on the experiences we have had...and while I would say that life 'lessons' are usually painful...the experiences are often invaluable. I am finding myself very grateful for perspective. And most grateful for personal revelation. I know that my Father knows me and loves me personally. While the future seems to hold some scary things....not bad...I didn't say bad....I just said scary...I am so thankful for the opportunity to receive answers personalized to me.
Monday, February 13, 2012
It can't hurt, right?
There are two things you need to know about Landri.
1) The child wants to potty train. She cannot stand to be wet or messy. So, if she manages to poop without you knowing immediately, she brings her diaper to you. Or leaves it on the floor...lots of disgusting possibilities here.
2) Whenever someone else is asked to pray now, she squints her eyes, folds her arms and begins to ramble this 'prayer' as if trying to beat them to the punch line.
Today Lu was sitting on my lap and I kept thinking she was stinky. So, I clued in and asked her if she wanted to go potty. So we headed upstairs and I propped the stool in front of the toilet and sat down. She looked at me with her little devilish look...then quickly folded her arms and squinted her arms...and offered one of her prayers. All reverence was lost on me and I busted out laughing. I asked her if she needed help going potty...to which she replied, "yeahhhhhh....shhhhh." I realize that Heavenly Father probably hears some strange prayers...and since Landri doesn't speak very conherently...all hers are funny...but whatever she said, it worked!
I seriously need to get my bum moving and train this child...
1) The child wants to potty train. She cannot stand to be wet or messy. So, if she manages to poop without you knowing immediately, she brings her diaper to you. Or leaves it on the floor...lots of disgusting possibilities here.
2) Whenever someone else is asked to pray now, she squints her eyes, folds her arms and begins to ramble this 'prayer' as if trying to beat them to the punch line.
Today Lu was sitting on my lap and I kept thinking she was stinky. So, I clued in and asked her if she wanted to go potty. So we headed upstairs and I propped the stool in front of the toilet and sat down. She looked at me with her little devilish look...then quickly folded her arms and squinted her arms...and offered one of her prayers. All reverence was lost on me and I busted out laughing. I asked her if she needed help going potty...to which she replied, "yeahhhhhh....shhhhh." I realize that Heavenly Father probably hears some strange prayers...and since Landri doesn't speak very conherently...all hers are funny...but whatever she said, it worked!
I seriously need to get my bum moving and train this child...
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Loving the ride
Its amazing to me, and a little sad, that time seems to be inescapabley fast...Its like I've been on one of those whirly-twirly fair rides and the moment I get off I'm almost dizzy to see things kind of spinning past me. That's definitely how I feel lately, as I watch my kids ride their bikes to school...and I watch from the window with my last baby waving furiously to her brothers and sisters, blowing as many kisses their way as possible. Dizzy. Kind of sick to the stomach. How in the world did time manage to escape me?
This year 4 of my children are in school. Which...I'll not lie, is not all sadness. Part of me was skipping with excitement as summer vacation ticked to a close. But, part of me dreaded school on a different level than I have in the past. I LOVE my routine. I love to get up, clean my house and just have time to read books and play with Landri. I love to know when my kids will be home, have some general plan of what activities will claim our evenining...routine! My 3 older children were all excited for school to begin for social aspects. Eli was claiming excitment, but was terrified! He started baby talk, agreed with my stupid joke that he could sign up for preschool again so as to stay my baby one more year...started sucking his fingers when anxious. So, his fear soon became my own. I have been hugely surprised and impressed with his determination to be a good boy at school. 2 weeks in and his behavior chart has been 'green' every day. And...for some reason...its like the tummy-twisting Hammer ride....I'm a mess! Because I wanted him to be nothing but successful there...but my 'baby boy' is gone! Kindergarten is that threshhold for me when they're no longer mine to corrupt...because the bulk of their day is spent under someone elses's influence. And once it starts, time blurs so fast. Who would have thought my oldest was a 6th grader?
Some days are filled with craziness. No doubt about it. But some days, like today, my sweet Avery handed me a note in church that said, "I have a happy life. I have a loving family. And I know this church is true, and that is amazing!" and I was left wiping the tears of fulfillment, accomplishment and such joy from my cheeks. I am forever so thankful for the experiences of this life. Most importantly, I am most grateful for a perspective that I know only comes through my Savior, of which things are of value. There is a quote I read today that said that 'this is not the plan of pleasure, but the plan of happiness!'...and I just know for a certainty it is. We have to give up things...sometimes popularity, sometimes money, sometimes comfort...to ensure a life of real worth, a life of happiness. I am so grateful to watch my children grow and know that their mistakes forge their strengths...its impressive and overwhelming to see giants emerge from the tiny bodies that I grew...I'm grateful for motherhood.
While I can and forever will wish that time would slow...so that I could keep my children small and mine forever, I am so thankful that this is MY life.
This year 4 of my children are in school. Which...I'll not lie, is not all sadness. Part of me was skipping with excitement as summer vacation ticked to a close. But, part of me dreaded school on a different level than I have in the past. I LOVE my routine. I love to get up, clean my house and just have time to read books and play with Landri. I love to know when my kids will be home, have some general plan of what activities will claim our evenining...routine! My 3 older children were all excited for school to begin for social aspects. Eli was claiming excitment, but was terrified! He started baby talk, agreed with my stupid joke that he could sign up for preschool again so as to stay my baby one more year...started sucking his fingers when anxious. So, his fear soon became my own. I have been hugely surprised and impressed with his determination to be a good boy at school. 2 weeks in and his behavior chart has been 'green' every day. And...for some reason...its like the tummy-twisting Hammer ride....I'm a mess! Because I wanted him to be nothing but successful there...but my 'baby boy' is gone! Kindergarten is that threshhold for me when they're no longer mine to corrupt...because the bulk of their day is spent under someone elses's influence. And once it starts, time blurs so fast. Who would have thought my oldest was a 6th grader?
Some days are filled with craziness. No doubt about it. But some days, like today, my sweet Avery handed me a note in church that said, "I have a happy life. I have a loving family. And I know this church is true, and that is amazing!" and I was left wiping the tears of fulfillment, accomplishment and such joy from my cheeks. I am forever so thankful for the experiences of this life. Most importantly, I am most grateful for a perspective that I know only comes through my Savior, of which things are of value. There is a quote I read today that said that 'this is not the plan of pleasure, but the plan of happiness!'...and I just know for a certainty it is. We have to give up things...sometimes popularity, sometimes money, sometimes comfort...to ensure a life of real worth, a life of happiness. I am so grateful to watch my children grow and know that their mistakes forge their strengths...its impressive and overwhelming to see giants emerge from the tiny bodies that I grew...I'm grateful for motherhood.
While I can and forever will wish that time would slow...so that I could keep my children small and mine forever, I am so thankful that this is MY life.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
my aha......
Nate took me for a date last weekend...and that in itself was f.a.b.u.l.e.s.s.
I was telling him on the way home that I'd met up with someone in SAMS club that day who'd made a funny face while asking me 'how Fairfield is?" Apparently its a joke or point of good fun that I've been honest that living here hasn't been Zion! Ahhh...well, it hasn't. But, it was in this moment of real, adult conversation with my good hubby that I had a little 'aha' moment.
I am ridiculously far from perfect.(that wasn't my aha moment....I'm well aware of that!) I in fact am forever worried that I've upset/offended someone, because I DON'T WANT TO! In my attempts to do what's best for my family and myself, I've made some choices that offend and bother others...which is never my intention. But when I came back to Fairfield I thought since I was in my 30's that I'd have a chance to put right some relationships that were strained in highschool....somehow convinced that I'd be instantly liked by some that I seemingly clashed with. And obviously it hasn't worked. And the friendships I counted on weren't quite what I thought. I realize now that is more my doing than not. Again, I mean no offense...but I am doing my best! So it was a difficult transition here....not because of anything anyone else did, but it was a period of growth for me. I've been looking for a silver lining, the 'reason' we knew we were supposed to move here. And I think I found it.
I am a slow learner. I usually take repeated lessons before it sinks in. I'd seen this message before, but when I was talking with Nate it just totally hit me. I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED TO BE HAPPY. It won't come from friends, things, fancy bathrooms or even clean toilets. It comes when I close the shades and snuggle up with the cutest, smartest, 6 people in the world. It comes entirely from knowing their mine forever. And it will NEVER be found in other places. So, again....'aha'.
I'm sorry that I'll have to disappoint my followers the next time that they ask how living in Fairfield is...because I am going to have to answer that its perfect.
As a sidenote....I am so thankful for the love of my life. He is so patient with me while I learn my lessons...so perfectly happy in his own skin that he can wait for me to get with it! I la-la-love him!!!
I was telling him on the way home that I'd met up with someone in SAMS club that day who'd made a funny face while asking me 'how Fairfield is?" Apparently its a joke or point of good fun that I've been honest that living here hasn't been Zion! Ahhh...well, it hasn't. But, it was in this moment of real, adult conversation with my good hubby that I had a little 'aha' moment.
I am ridiculously far from perfect.(that wasn't my aha moment....I'm well aware of that!) I in fact am forever worried that I've upset/offended someone, because I DON'T WANT TO! In my attempts to do what's best for my family and myself, I've made some choices that offend and bother others...which is never my intention. But when I came back to Fairfield I thought since I was in my 30's that I'd have a chance to put right some relationships that were strained in highschool....somehow convinced that I'd be instantly liked by some that I seemingly clashed with. And obviously it hasn't worked. And the friendships I counted on weren't quite what I thought. I realize now that is more my doing than not. Again, I mean no offense...but I am doing my best! So it was a difficult transition here....not because of anything anyone else did, but it was a period of growth for me. I've been looking for a silver lining, the 'reason' we knew we were supposed to move here. And I think I found it.
I am a slow learner. I usually take repeated lessons before it sinks in. I'd seen this message before, but when I was talking with Nate it just totally hit me. I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED TO BE HAPPY. It won't come from friends, things, fancy bathrooms or even clean toilets. It comes when I close the shades and snuggle up with the cutest, smartest, 6 people in the world. It comes entirely from knowing their mine forever. And it will NEVER be found in other places. So, again....'aha'.
I'm sorry that I'll have to disappoint my followers the next time that they ask how living in Fairfield is...because I am going to have to answer that its perfect.
As a sidenote....I am so thankful for the love of my life. He is so patient with me while I learn my lessons...so perfectly happy in his own skin that he can wait for me to get with it! I la-la-love him!!!
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