Dear Diary,

Sitting here in the quiet while Nate marched the kids up the dark, cold hill outside to shoot Kolbe's new air soft gun, I feel incredibly thankful for this day. While my emotions have been ridiculously out of control lately, I need it said that my heart is hugely full. I have never in my life felt such an overwhelming sense of blessing and happiness. I know that the Christmas season is a time where everyone feels a heightened sense of peace and happiness because the Savoir is closer to our thoughts...but I am feeling so motivated to keep this feeling a little longer in our home! So many changes are coming our way...we counted off today that its only a few days until Avery's birthday, then a month til Eli's, then a few weeks til daddy's, and then a few weeks until this baby arrives. I see the need for so much improvement in my life before I bring another child into our home...but I am happy for the small successes I see within our family. We finished the Book of Mormon yesterday as a family: a HUGE victory two years in the making! But what an accomplishment! I listened from the other room today as Kenna said to her brother, 'thank you sooooo much for this present Kolbe, I LOVE it! you're the best.' I peeked my head around the corner to watch Kolbe teaching Eli the correct way to position his new GI Joe guys for battle...the small and tender moments that make me so incredibly thankful to be just exactly where I am. The hugest deception is in thinking that life will be filled with non-stop bliss. It is filled with life: the loud, messy and chaotic routines that help us progress from one stage to another. But I was meant to be a wife....and a mother today. And I am so thankful for that.

Christmas Decorating 2009

This was Eli's idea of 'posing' in front of the tree. Believe me, we don't encourage this behavior: its just the way he is!

bUMmEr!

This really makes me look big. Bigger than I think I look: that is just my side note here!

My brother Jerry is one of my favorite people in this world. Every time I talk to him I tell him he's chubby, and he tells me I'm ugly. It really is one of my favorite things to do....I love him! When he tells me I'm ugly, I will tell him he's still fat...and he says, 'but YOU'RE pregnant!' I love it...so I've been teasing him this whole pregnancy that he's bigger than me, and wouldn't you know it???? HE'S NOT! Bummer! It was bound to happen, but I still contend he's sucking in! At 24 weeks, I'm officially bigger than Jer by alot.

Love you my Jer-

Oh....Avery

So, Avery is still not loving school. We have to count down the days of the school week for her so she can bare to go another day! This morning I was talking to her in the bathroom and I mentioned it was the last day of school this week, time for a break. She asked how many days break, to which I replied that there were two days off, Saturday and Sunday. She very cooley added, "Nope, there's gonna be an extra day, between Saturday and Sunday, this time!" I love her. She cracks me up. Only in her world can you think that by just saying something its possible!
Mom asked her tonight what her favorite part of school was. She said lunch, recess, and gym.

Seriously good effort~

After saying prayers tonight we were marching the kids down the hall to start their bed routines and personal prayers when I looked over my shoulder at Nate and said, "I think daddy should go get me a diet coke, then lay on the bed watching tv and rub my booda!" Totally kidding about everything except the diet coke part...I almost died laughing when Eli yelled out desperately trying to avoid his own bed time, "I want to rub your booda mom! Please!" Now I've heard it all...

New pictures of kids

Ah- hah!

It occurred to me yesterday sitting in Sacrament meeting, while everyone was bearing their testimonies, that I badly NEEDED to get up. But I couldn't. Nate worked a 12+ hour day yesterday for his semi-annual inventory so I was totally on my own with the kids. It required my full attention and arm span to contain Eli...so I sat there completely overwhelmed by the things I know to be true. While I've ranted a LOT on here these last few months about struggles...I really am NOT entirely pathetic. My emotions are way too close to the surface, and I'm a crybaby anyways...so I LOOK worse than I am, and I'm not entirely pathetic. I promise. Alot of my realizations have every bit as much to do with grattitude as they do with struggles. The closing song was 'Where can I turn for peace?' and I was overwhelmed with grattitude that I know that answer. The thought occured to me so many times during that hour that I was grateful for the certain things. This past year I have learned that even things we think are fairly constant, certain aspects of our life can crumble. I am not a hugely intelligent, spiritual person. But I know that there is so much strength and comfort in the one real, constant of my life. The one absolute truth. I left sacrament meeting with red, blotchy eyes again! But not becuase I was feeling pitty or sadness per say. But for knowing that all things will come full circle, and that clinging to what remains my constant source of happiness will bring me peace today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, no matter what crumbles and fails around me. I am also thankful for my husband. He is my perfect fit. And he laughs with me every night. I am so thankful for him. And in my realization of blessings yesterday it demands attention that my children are the best! I was pretty emotional for a bit yesterday and of course they thought they'd been naughty and upset me...so they wrote me cards. I laughed so hard over them. Kenna's said 'sorry for my aditude and sass. i'll be better'. Kolbe's said, 'if I've been a turd or annoying please just punish me over and over and over again until I stop!' Seriously, they are so over-dramatic! But, it worked, cause I was laughing hysterically. I love my family...and this post would be incomplete without mentioning the best friends ever! What tender mercies!