NO time like the present...

Its been such a wild week. No time to even breathe. I can't sleep at night because my mind is packing the suitcase...playing games that when we show up, sweet girl is gone, and, well, just plain old freaking out.

I took Lu with me today on a run to GF to finalize my preparations for the big trip. She was AWFUL. Can't even express how awful! She scowled and growled at strangers, insisting they 'stop wooking at me' and 'stay away from me'...what happened to my sweet girl?
I'm not that confused about it really. This morning my favorite music was playing and I was holding Landri like a baby, at her request...I pulled her up tight against me and snuggled my face into hers...and she closed her eyes and we just danced. Then, when the song changed she simply said, 'you weave mommy, to see _____(can't really say her name here :)
Anxiety sets in: I've teared up so many times today just thinking about leaving my five children behind to meet another. I wonder what they think. Eli asked me if I loved him last night. And then asked if I love ______. I can see those little wheels turning. And there is confusion and anxiety building.
I'm sure they'll be good for mom dad. The calander is written and posted on the fridge detailing just how tired my parents will be at the end of this week. Meals are in the fridge, labeled so the kids can whine about their contents days before actually eating them :)
I'm entirely thankful for each of my kids. I have loved Kolbe's growing up these last few months...he's becoming a friend...someone FUN to laugh and joke and relate to beyond 'kid' conversation. He is such a good kid. I look forward to what the next few years hold for him. Kenna is my little mini. She's effecient and determined. There will be no lapse in routine with her around! Avery will struggle without me tucking her in, I can already see her big brown eyes. She'll probably be the quiet, sad one. Eli, well...he's under dad's thumb! :) He'll be fine. He's perfect for everyone but me, so I think he'll be happy to see us when we get back, but won't miss us too much! Nate thinks I'm wrong here. I hope so! And Landri...my baby! What is it about her being my baby that just the thought of leaving her makes my eyes well and I just can't stand it? She wants to go with me on the airplane. Now, there is NO ONE on earth that she'd take to better than my dad, her prized 'PAPA' and "Grandma Neic" These two people rate incredibly high on her little importo-meter. But why wouldn't they?
There are no better grandparents in the world: they are always calling, always asking, always so involved in my kids' lives. My kids know they're loved because they FEEL it. And that is the only reason that I'm even slightly able to pull this off: I have never left my kids for more than a night. I feel safer with my chicks huddled close beside me. So, if I have to give up my spot in the nest there's no one I'd happier give it to than my parents.
......as a sidenote we're supposed to take a journal to express our feelings on this trip. I'm thinking it will be incredibly incoherent at times...because I 'ugly' cry.
I'll miss my monkies terribly! But I'm going to LOVE meeting this new one!