Procedure One:

Thursday proved to be just as eventful as every other day in the saga of our lives....

At least we are fully able to recognize and even appreciate the sense of humor of our loving Heavenly Father. And, His protective hand.

Nate tagged a dear in our commuter car. I shouldn't really lie, when I read the text from him, 'just hit a deer', I thought, 'of course you did' a little unhappily. But when I saw the damage I was immediately thankful; it could be so much worse! Still drives..and it only registers about 25% higher on the rez-mobile ticker.

I worked early Thursday, getting to the office shortly after 7 to get my hours in early....big day. As I was headed to the hospital for my surgery, the nurse called to notify me that I needed to get there, if I wasn't already. The doctor was running WAY ahead...I did my best to get there as fast as I could, only to be seated in the waiting room. AFter sitting there for 10 minutes I went up to the counter and explained the gals in back were waiting on me, that they'd actually called and told me to hurry. At this the woman was super annoyed, and again told me to sit. A few minutes later she called my name, "Julie?"...so I followed her into the office and she closed the door. Now, they've begun this really annoying little practice of asking you your name and what procedure you're having done, over and over...and I'd already answered this 3x before this sweet woman took me back. So, when she asked what I was having done, I was feeling a little onery and didn't answer immediately. She noticed my rebellion and kind of huffed, "A breast augmentation..." WHAT????? Since my shock was obvious and I nearly fell off my chair she asked my name again. To my surprise there was a Julie with a last name ridiculously close to mine...and SHE was in for a much different surgery than mine. I told the nurse had Julie #2 been in for a tummy tuck as well I might consider continuing our little charade until after, and opting out of the augmentation all together. She wasn't impressed. So I was escorted back to my seat, again, and told to wait. At this point I've been sitting in the lobby for about half an hour...and the nurse told me to hurry! And crabby abbs at the desk chastized ME for answering to the wrong name. It obviously wasn't her fault!!!
After being rescued by the nurse in back, who was a tiny bit annoyed I was so late, I was taken into the bathroom to be weighed. Now, this is about is fun for me as, well, having breast augmentation. I climbed on the elephant scale and turned my back, telling her not to tell me the grant total. Door wide open, she yelled. Yes. Yelled. The number out. I was so stunned I just looked at her. Okay, that was one sweetie...
We then were rushed into the room, I stripped down to put my nightie on, ties in the back, and climbed into bed where I spent the next 20 minutes watching my weight-sharing nurse poke and search...not pulling the needle out, just holding it under my skin, searching for a vein. Seriously, 20 minutes. 3 attempts on one arm. As she's digging a second nurse came in and asked how she could be helpful. Nurse Sunshine then told her I needed my blood-clot socks, though she had a funny name for them I can't remember. Ted socks????? or something. And...she threw in, 'Large!' in the rudest tone...so much so that the second nurse sort of looked me over and raised her eye brows and responded that she didn't think I needed a large. She picked up the blanket, and looks me over good and responds, 'Yep, large.' The other nurse walked off to fetch the socks, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. She came back with mediums and proceded to put them on me, pulling me this way and that, all the while Nurse Ratchett poked around a bit more. I was beginning to think being Julie #2 had its plusses: Namely: different nurses on the other wing.
The doc walked in right as she finally hit a vein, and announced he wasn't waiting for the labs to return before operating. He asked me, "Well, you ready to go blow up your uterus?" Um, sure. I was hauled to surgery and the last thing I remember is asking them never to repeat the things I say while going under...and hearing the anesthesiologist cheerfully promise me a 'cocktail.' Whatever that was, I liked it.
I believe the polyp issue has has been rectified.
I feel fine...totally normal. Easy peasy. One more to go while this stuff is free!

Good morning beautiful...

How was my day?

It started very early...Lu climbed in my bed in the middle of the night as she frequently does. And, as she frequently does, she peed my bed. (so, if I die, and you're clearing out my house, and my mattress is more stained than any other in the house...rememeber I mentioned this little detail). So, I got up, stripped the bed and climbed back in with only my comforter around us and turned on the 'toons' to silence her pleading. I don't do well in the early morning. Its a very difficult, dangerous time. And it was barely 6 a.m.
As I'd just gotten myself ready to doze again...she started in with 'cockola milk mommy'....'COCKOLA MILK MOMMMMYYYYY!' So, I stumbled down the stairs and mixed her sippie cup, trudged back up to bed and climbed in beside her...snuggling her in close. All of my kids are snugglers. They get it from me. So, this is one of my favorite parts of the day, even if it happens in the m.o.r.n.i.n.g. Well, Lu is a bit of a horker. She seriously chugged her cup, knocked it back, in no more than 10 seconds. Shocker...shortly thereafer she started shifting around beside me, pushing her tummy out. She climbed out of bed and announced, "I'm-a gonna fwo-up momma. FWO-UP!" So, I jumped up and yelled at her to get in the bathroom...take ONE step onto the tile floor. Nope. As she was shaking her head no at me she made a mess of my carpet. Again: we are talking 6 am folks.
I kinda chuckled and started the shower, pulling her nighty off, and told her to jump in the shower as I cleaned up. I turned my back and got to work, then ran down to throw a load of laundry in. As I peeked in the shower to check on her I was pleased to see her in her pink monkey print panties...soaking off the morning! Avery was equally thrilled when she went to jump in the shower with her, because Lu wasn't getting out any time...to see her cute little chubby monkey panties!
Oh, how I love my kids!
As it got close to 10 am, and she'd been awake for a LONG time already, I put a diaper on her thinking I'd snuggle her to sleep. Which didn't happen, immediately. So, after 3 sippy cups(I'm a bit indulgent today) of cockola milk she proceded to unhook her very wet diaper, drop it at my feet and announce, 'it's nasty mom' and walking off...
It was actually a good morning. I love the little moments that make my life my own!

Alberta Calgary open house...

We hardly ever go anywhere with the kids. First of all, they're horrible travelers. Which, in turn, makes me horrible company. Its a bit of a vicious cycle. So I wasn't super excited to the weekend's trip. And, I'm beyond thrilled with it now that we survived :)

At the center of our faith is the belief, well, KNOWLEDGE, that a family can be sealed together forever. It is central to this principle that the Priesthood of God has been restored to the earth, and that its power is available to righteous men. This principle is the same as it was in the Church that Jesus Christ established when He lived on this earth.

Armed with this testimony, there are certain buildings, known as temples, that are sacred and special above all others on this earth because of their ordination to perform in services that bind us as families forever. Every single oridance that occurs within these walls has one purpose: to seal children to their parents, and link generations of people together. It is in esssence the great truth and purpose of this gospel. And, we believe, it is a continuance of the manner in which we lived before we were granted the opportunity to leave our Heavenly home, and come to earth.

Because of the sacred nature of the temple, not everyone can go in. Regular interviews are required with church leaders who assess our worthiness...our EFFORTS....to maintain certain standards of living...to qualify us for service in the temple. When  a child is 12 they are allowed limited access inside to perform certain ordinances. Beyond that, it is limited to adults, who are ready to commit themselves to following the laws and promises extended inside.

This being said...we have advocated being worthy to go inside to our children every.single.chance.we. have. been.given. since they were itty-bitty. We testify all the time about how grateful we are that Heavenly Father has given this Priesthood power to seal forever our families! We've described some of the beautiful things they'll see...

But how THANKFUL I am that this weekend we were able to travel to Calgary Alberta to the open house of the new temple there. During this time, it is open to EVERYONE, regardless of religion and age. You are led through every room inside to see there are no secrets there. And it is beautiful! And...it is exciting! And..you can't help but feel the Spirit of God there.

All of my children were touched. The quietness of Eli, his large usually dancing with mischief eyes were round in wonder. The way Kolbe held his mouth, and the expression on his face. Kenna's eagerness to see the 'next' room. Landri, pushing ahead of me, through the legs of huge crowds, to get into the first room with beautiful chandeliers...to hear her say, at a slightly irreverent :) volume, "oooooooohhhhhhh. Woooooowwwwww! I want one!"  And then, there was my personal favorite: My sweet Avery walked silently by my side the whole time. She held my hand, and looked around with the most perfect expression of reverence...like she just got it......as we entered the celestial room, the final place of the tour...the most beautiful room in the temple by far....she raised her eyes up to the crystal chandeliers, which are by far the prettiest fixtures I have EVER seen...and her eyes filled with tears. We made eye contact and she just smiled. It was of course that moment where as a parent you are humbled to 'see' the giant spirit of that child you try to raise. A man at the door was evidently watching this all happen, for when I looked at him he was staring intently at Avery, his eyes pooling too.

So grattitude doesn't quite express my feelings of being able to take my children through the temple this weekend. Hope doesn't quite express my desire to have them all there again with me in the future. I will gladly give up every other comfort in this world for the assurance that my children will be mine forever.

I have many friends and family members who do not share my faith. They share a knowledge of a living, loving God. But different faith. And...I count them to be among my treasures! I hope that they could one day walk the steps my children walked this weekend, and see with different eyes that we, members of the Church of Jesus Christ, are Christian.

I love my Savior. I love my testimony of Him. I love my knowledge of His plan for me(even if I disagree with a few of the given experiences :) and I love my family. And...I am grateful.

travel me shmavel me....

Since neither of us has ever gone farther than...Canada...we're basically Dumb and Dumber.

And that is a scary prospect. Because the thought of riding with Nate on a mo-ped, through freezing weather...and, well, you know how they kept warm! Ugh...

I'm a wreck! Seriously, the thought of meeting this sweet child has me crazy worried. What will she think? What if she doesn't like us? What do we take to do with her? Can we entertain her for 4 hours straight? and then there's the ones that really scare me: How, in the name of heck, am I supposed to let my eyes and hands fall in love with this girl, my heart melt for her, and then turn my back to leave her for another couple months in a place where NO one wants her...NO one loves her? How? How do we leave ANY of them behind? Which one might fit in my suitcase? Its incredibly overwhelming to me.

And so I won't allow myself to think about it again.

For now I'll busy myself preparing. I'm kinda type A. But, I'm also a person who, when things are unknown, would prefer handholding. So...I NEED this trip totally planned. Like, what to take EXACTLY for who. How much money, EXACTLY.

For now I'm working to collect the gifts we need to take. (but...if this process weren't so freakishly expensive maybe donations would be easier to round up???) I've made a haul to the dollar store once...but how much is expected? Like, how many tubes of neosporin should one take? Tylenol? Bandaids? Buttcream.

And the very worst thing is that my doctor today told me in preparation for surgery next month that I need to give up caffeine. I asked, 'oh, for surgery?' He said, 'No, for life.' WHAT? That's like telling a chain smoker they gotta go cold turkey while they're being audited by the IRS. Gonna. Kill. Me.

whooo whooo...

We have large owls in the trees at the park across the street, and the church across the other street. At night you can hear them hoot. Lu has even mock 'hooted' at them to only have them answer back. She's half fascinated, half terrified by them.
Tonight she had on a pair of old jammies that rightfully need to be gifted to someone shorter. Much shorter. She battled back and forth about having the long enough, or having a severe case of plumber bummmm. She's been watching the barbie movies as much as we'll allow lately so she rarely stands still. She thinks she is a dancing pricess barbie, twirling and dancing around. We all enjoyed the frenzy of her spinning and dancing, and her acknowledgment that her 'cwack' was showing and she'd tug up her britches to cover it. As we finished scriptures it was time to stop dancing and kneel down, QUIETLY, to pray. It wasn't happening. So Nate scooped her up and lifted her up on his shoulders while he kneeled to keep her at least contained. She instantly started thrashing around...and when we got her chilled, I asked what was wrong. She was tugging at her jammie pants and said, 'the OWLS! the OWLS! They come.....and EAT my Butt!' Well, that was a real crowd pleaser! Her brothers and sisters...and, me, all started laughing. She wasn't convinced she was out of danger and begged Nate, 'let me close it! close it!' which was her desire to 'close the gap' on her britches and exposed bum! Holy.
This kid is seriuosly power packed with spunk and sass. I just love her.

Redemption!

....not gonna sugar coat it: the last few months have been miserable.

So, when I opened my email this morning to find a request that we arrive in our sweet girl's city, ALL THE WAY across the world, on November 5th, lets just say that my mood took an instant upswing! I can't wait! So excited, and instantly scared to death all at once. We've never traveled...so, holy cow, terrified. But. Its official. We're in the process now! So...tick tock, tick tock. Let's get this princess home!

For journal purposes...

This is strictly for journalling. To read in some future moment when I think things are hard...or easy...to give perspective, hope and hopefully a giggle!

1. My back is jacked. Can't sleep. Exercise. Sit too long. Carry heavy things. And sometimes stand. Car wreck has proven to be a bit more fun than I realized...Have had injections in my neck, at base of head, which plain STUNK. Holy. Owie. Have had 3 sets of nerve blocking ocipital nerve shots in head. Also fun. Had injections in lower back...happily much easier than the neck injections. Physical therapy for 6 months with small results...and one very stumped(probably grumpy at me) physical therapist who I have grown to really like and respect. Until he mentioned I need to do the injections again. :)

2. Adopting. Which is the hugest blessing and opportunity for growth. For me. My children. However the stress-financially and emotionally is unreal. Should cost upwards of 40k. Yep. We have been blessed with some great fundraisers...generous friends...and, we've robbed the 401k. It will all work out..and I'm willing to jump through any and every hoop to raise this princess to be healthy and happy in spite of *them* and *their rules* and all naysayers.

3. Dental disasters galore. I seem to think dentures might be the way to go. They'd be clean. Removable. And painless. And...at this rate, paid for sooner than the rest of my pending repairs. Two major issues...one involving a week of torture, one RIDICULOUSLY kind and generous friend/endodontist who made personal phone calls and even late night office visits to save me going to the ER. Maxed out dental policy, and have a temp crown on until Jan 1. At which point I will max out the policy again.

4. Bills. If it can be broken, it has been broken. Since deciding to adopt we've replaced the BBQ, fridge and lawnmower. Repaired many things. And left many undone(like my wretched double sink in the upstairs bathroom) until next year...when things HAVE to be calmer.....

5. Kids. There seems to be nothing harder than the growing pains of a child. Watching them grow, make mistakes, live those consequences...seeing their successes is about the greatest joy there is. Adjusting with each new stage is difficult. And we've hit a few stages with a teenage boy, pre-teen going on 18 girl...(Avery is pretty stinking easy always...) an Eli, and a potty training sass-pot in training. Granted...the stink filled moments are WAY less than the ones we love...but momma bear is growing less able to contain myself. And that isn't always the best solution.

6. Church callings. Don't misunderstand me. I'd be hacked to lose my calling. And I'd be even more hacked to live with Nate if he lost his. Its just...there is a burden in knowing the importance of teaching the gospel...a knowledge of Jesus Christ...to young children. Knowing what I know...I know what they need to know...and, I know that mountains loom in front of many of them. Did I give it my best this week? Did I let you down? Do you think you can do it better? Its alot...but...its alot on the other side of things too. You can't IMAGINE the thrill of hearing a child express their testimony in the calm of a song...or witness the quiet strength of the Holy Ghost testifying to what we learn. THE.BEST.CALLING.EVER.

7. Work. There is a fine line between doing what you have to do....and satisfying others. Some days I am firmly footed on the side I feel comfortable. Others I am not.

8. Lu fell and hurt her hip. Carried her 3 days non stop. Hi fevers. Long nights. X-rays and a stumped doctor...and then a miraculous healing.

9. Nate's broken shnozzzz. A lost battle with an old woman resulting in surgery...the most hysterical fit of giggles I've ever had the pleasure of hearing...and disappointingly colorless eyes. Was hoping for a bit more pizazz...but again....amazing healing.

10. Eli-sweet Eli. Late night ear aches that threaten to rupture. And an issue that should have been resolved years ago by his first pediatrician that as of today...well, probably next week sometime...will be done forever :) Halelujah. (Don't ever let a doctor convince you against your instict as a parent. ) Also want to remember the moment sis Jen called to say, amidst her giggles, that Eli announced in music class his disappointment that they'd not be doing instruments that day, but on the day he'd be gone. 'Why are you gone?'  they wonder...'cause I'm having surgery on my parts' he says. 'What are your parts?' Then, that pause, and the arched eyebrow, the downward point...and the reply....very slowly...'you know....the parts(with that look that says, you know what I'm talking about right?) the parts that Heavenly Father gave you.' And then there's the funny moment when he's asked why he made the announcement we'd discussed not making...and he melts me and produces days of giggles when he makes the cutest face and says....'oh yah, I forgot!'

11. Stitches...well staple....in the back of Miss Avery's noggin. Apparently heads don't fare well with flying scooters...but, then, I probably could have guessed that without testing it out.

12. Personal successes. After 15 years, returning to a place you haven't been since then. And, feeling capable of better. 33.

13. Personal inadequacies...Knowing that sometimes my best will still fall short. Acknowledging that it is likely I'm on someone's "list"...

14.Friends. Thank heavens for these. Thankful I've got a few goldies who've been on my side forever...and confidence they'll stay there!!!

15. Health. Its a little scary to think you're having an unnecessary procedure because it will better your life...only to receive news there's additional issues and possibilties of more than you bargain for. Grateful that Heavenly Father worked this out in my favor...and that the minor-est of procedures can fix it.

16. Family. In all cases, a blessing. In some cases...not one that's recognized until eternity! :)

17. Wealth. Realization that monetarily, this one's out. But declaration that in every.single.way.that.counts.....HOLY STINKING RICH!

18. Car wrecks. That are your fault. That seem to make you realize that there's something to be grateful for in all things. And...teach you to value things differently. And...add to your growing debt :)

19.  A flooded basement that results entirely out of my stupidity. Hours of work. And great answer to prayers that its ok...

20.The escapee...twice. Once involved waking up early to discover the door was open and Lu was gone. And 911. The other involved a dad..nameless of course...who didn't feel the child clinging at his leg disappear because the power of the football game was sucking his brain out...

21.  Perspective.

I can't even begin to explain the deep understanding I have that Heavenly Father knows me. He listens to me complain...whine...and, in certain '3rd hour' moments, directly answers my prayers. And, in others, lets me learn that His understanding is greater than mine. There are moments every day where I see the perfectly beautiful sun, setting over the Sawtooth mountains...and hear Eli explain that he painted the sky for me, and that it took him all night to do it...and that he loves me. There are moments. In the middle of happy days and sad. Moments when I quietly acknowledge how very much I a blessed with, and that I can be better than I am today.

Its been a difficult stretch...I don't appreciate some of these things while I'm in the middle of them...and doubt some of them I ever will :) But...stretch I am. And...hopefully some of it sticks, so I'm not asked to do it again. And hopefully some of it stays just the way it is!